Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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