I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Less talking, more tequila
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sext me about skeletons
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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