Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Too much gin, very little bucket
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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