I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
