i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
