All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
