Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
