Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
