Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
