i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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