He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
