you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
