bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
