I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
