In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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