I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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