but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
