sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
