you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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