My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
