I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
