we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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