I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
