Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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