$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
