I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
When did angry sex become our thing?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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