I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
