I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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