he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
