I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
