i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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