K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
