Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My brain says no but my pants say off.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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