dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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