i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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