saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
