Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
