I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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