hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
