i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
