there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
