So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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