I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
