So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
