I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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