she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
