I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm always down for nudity.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
