Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
