Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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