if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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