I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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