I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
