My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
