i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
