You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
