He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize