listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
