Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
