My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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