i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
