as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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