in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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