What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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