oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
