I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
