So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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