You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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