I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
