Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
