u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize