Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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