I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
