she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
