I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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