i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
