Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
