I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
