if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I touched a dick in church today
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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